The U.S.E., ‘The un-democratic state of euphoria’ didn’t start out as the U.S.E. Once upon a time in 1390, two parties of serfs met at their kings boarders. There had been short rations in the Region of Ramen Noodles, and much civil unrest due to a ruling made by the Mean knight that prohibited certain types of heavy metal music. The Kansas Bluegrass Association ruled with an iron fist and this entire panel belonged to the Mean knight and whatever orders he barked at them, they carried out to the fullest extent of the oath they were sworn to uphold. Day and night they fought for a cause they believed in. There was a lot of unnecessary bickering, hand-to-hand combat and lack of communication. And thus it continued for centuries.
Then in 1991 Haylie bought the entire U.S.E., appointed herself president, changed the name of the capitol to Haylieville, and bestowed upon herself the title of Mayor. Situated in the center of the continental United States, the U.S.E. is a landlocked country, an island of autocracy surrounded by a democratic republic. Her first act as President Mayor prohibited bluegrass music of any kind and all the residents were required to listen to the heavy metal sounds of Danzig, Metallica, Overkill, Anthrax, DIO and all the other bands that were once prohibited by the Mean knight. As her second act as Mayor President, Haylie forced the residents to wear black clothes, prune trees when they disobeyed and when they tried to escape over the fifty foot tall razor topped barbed wire fence that encompassed the entire land. Haylie’s third act as President Mayor was electing her ultra-awesome, misguided stepsister, Emil-Butt to act as her Chief Administrator. However, she also put in a clause in fine print that banned any KISS album from being played on their brand new state-of-the-art national public stereo system because she mistakenly thought the entire band was comprised of dummies who couldn’t play their own instruments. A rare exception was given to KISS’ late drummer, Eric Carr.
Being Chief Administrator wasn’t an easy job to undertake as Emil Butt soon found out. Emil Butt had to develop strong written and verbal skills to effectively help President Mayor Haylie implement all her new laws and sort out the senseless carnage that the Mean knight left behind once his reign of tyranny ended centuries ago. The whole battle of the bands was described as a duel to the death that was penned some centuries ago by Emil-Butt’s ancestor in a comic book depiction, yet her ancestor didn’t finish, leading some to believe that she was either captured by the opposing Bed knight’s army or purposely dropped off the face of the earth and didn’t want to be recognized.
The criminal justice system consists of President Mayor Haylie, who is judge, jury, jailer, and executioner. Interpretation of the law is subject to change based on President Mayor Haylie’s mood on any given day. Lawyers are not allowed in the courtroom. The defendants are appointed a heavy metal musician to represent their interests. The monetary system is unique, in which, all paper money that is printed is stamped with the rock n’ roll horns, a portrait of Haylie, and Haylieville’s new motto: “And Justice For All.” A near invisible magnetic strip is woven into the paper money in order to make counterfeiting impossible. Coins are stamped out of copper, aluminum, and melted down plastic Tupperware containers. No two Haylieville coins are exactly alike. Some contain misprints of the Mean’s knight’s coat of arms that resemble an acoustic guitar and scepter. Concerning trade agreements, President Mayor Haylie only allows business to be done with people who have shoulder-length or longer hair. Merchants are required to have their left ear pierced, and must wear tight-fitting jeans with holes in the knees. President Mayor Haylie is very strict about the dress code. On an unrelated note, President Mayor Haylie recently acquired all Aqua Net hairspray stock and has appointed herself chairman of the board.