Friday, June 14, 2013

The "pre-Home buying" experience. June 14, 2013



This is just my two cents worth of what it takes to make a huge investment when buying a home. I've discovered (early on, that is), that its great to be informed. Look around and don't "settle" for the cheapest house, either. Continue to do your homework and window shop if one likes. It never hurts to review many MSL listings (Multiple Service Listings) on realty sites. Take into consideration the property taxes that will be included in the house payment. And don't forget about the other utilities. Can one afford to heat the entire neighborhood during the winter and cool it in the summer? I exaggerated on that, but seriously, do thoroughly think about the overall costs of maintaining a house.

I've scheduled so many house tours, that it boggles my mind where to begin. In a nutshell: not all of the homes I've seen have been a palace (and it depends on the individual's definition of "palace").

On my first house tour, the home was straight out of the era I liked. However, the cosmetic issues slapped me upside the head with a heavy dose of home-sweet-home reality when I set foot inside. My eyes beheld a few issues right off the bat.
#1. The obvious: noticeable 'egg shell'-like crack in one of the walls. I neared to get a better visual inspection, then inquired why there would be a crack in a wall in the first place. Outside on the porch two spindly-appearing thin metal columns were holding up the weight of the roof over hang and may have contributed to the interior wall's condition as this house aged. It is extremely important to jot this down in a note book and keep it for future reference and that's what I did. Keeping meticulous notes no matter how detailed, will keep one better informed as they continue to make provisions on their first-time house buying effort. 

#2. Take into consideration why a home is priced so low in the first place and I'm not discussing HUD-owned properties in this regard, either. An FHA loan might cover this promising price-range. Yet again, there's another reason why homes are priced low. What zone is the house located in? If it is located in a flood zone (e.g. near a stream, pond, river, dam, etc), realtors should be upfront and explain why these particular homes are high-risk investments. Rivers can crest. Dams can burst, ponds can turn into Kevin Costner's Water World over night. A flash flood could happen and that goes for any natural disaster.

#3. Avoid purchasing "flood zone" homes if at all possible. There's extra home-owners insurance to tack on to the property taxes and utilities. Long before I ever left home I knew this as a good rule of thumb to follow and it never left my mind.

#4. Be aware of the neighborhood. How are the houses kept? Are the lawns mowed and weeds trimmed? Is the neighbor's backyard cluttered with junk cars, empty beer bottles? Is that old analog TV antenna the most eye-catching of all their lawn decorations? Or are the homes well-kept and the neighbors pride themselves on organization. Meticulous neighborhoods can speak volumes of the home's property value, which is why county assessments can vary.

#5. Location. Is it industrial or near a school? If it's near a school, freeway, highway, busy street, expect the property taxes to be high. If the house is in an industrial part of town that's old, then the taxes might be less including the monthly house payments, too.

#6. Get a "feel" for the homes you'll tour. When I mean feel; use your sense of touch, sight, hearing, smell, etc. If it feels like going in the basement produces a sudden inexplicable sense of overwhelming "dread", trust you're gut instinct. It might be first-time home-buying jitters. Then again, it could very well be your gut instinct is trying to tell you something's not right.

#7. Listen. Hone in your hearing for any strange noises.

#8. LOOK. Observe the basement's structure inside and out. Is the interior wall bowing? This is a sign of a weak structure and/ or damage be it human, nature or otherwise. Is there any evidence of pets/rodents/ bug infestations present? Dry rot could be mistaken for such, at first glance. However, if there's a large portion missing from the front porch wood column and near black in appearance, don't blame it on Hansel or Gretel. If this was a real Ginger Bread house, they would have finished it off long ago. Be nervous, especially since its a two-story late 1800's home and all of the bedrooms are upstairs. Observe the shape of the floors in the upstairs. Are they sound, level and feel okay under your feet? Or does your body prepare to go down with the ship at any given moment? If so, this could possibly indicate MAJOR structural problems. The view of the decking from the bedroom window is discerning at best. Why are the roofing shingles flapping around instead of being nailed down? Did the previous foreclosed home owner do this act deliberately or would it be passed off as a cosmetic issue to the next prospective home buyer.

And oh yes, there's a dead man in the basement. The floor board in the dining room looks a little... err, out of proportion with the rest of the floor. In the basement the house jack wasn't installed properly, which is why the dining room floors popped out of alignment.

The basement smells of mildew or mold... again, this might even reveal the presence of "black mold", which can make a person very ill if not eliminated. Standing water, leaky pipes, and almost in nine cases out of ten, the upstairs plumbing WILL leak and cause more structural damage if not fixed properly. I haven't lived in a two-story two-bath house yet that hasn't sprung a leak at least once in its lifetime or it had its share of past landlords that did repairs on the cheap as a temporary fix. Check the fuse box. Are there pennies behind the sockets? If so, this was a very old-fashioned remedy that never really helped fix the problem. How's the electrical wires? Are they the antique porcelain insulator knob and cloth cord type? These were very prevalent, especially in older homes around the turn of the 20th century throughout the 80's, to my first hand experience having lived in such old homes growing up. And DON'T touch those old exposed wires (if the power's on), less you'll receive the shock of your life or far worse. If the home isn't up to code, an inspector will tell you this and so will the realtor and it should be listed on the disclosure form if its known. However, a loan may not go through until this updated electricity issue is addressed by the individual seller or bank that's selling the home "as-is". Then again, the prospective home-buyer may have to pay to have an electrician come in and get the electrical wiring up to code.

#9 Forty-seven thousand is asking a bit much for that marvelous 19th century low hanging Edwardian era gas lamp/electric light fixture in the main room of the house. Are the squatters hiding in the basement part of the "as-is" package deal as well? All joking aside, if it appears that there's been squatters living in a foreclosed or REO (Real Estate Owned) home, be extremely leery. And just as a precaution, don't go in the dark basement and just assume that there's "live critters" down there of all kinds. The ceiling in the first floor bathroom has "strange-looking crumbly" insulation. That was just blown in newspaper or rotting cellulose material used way back in the old days to insulate a home. Depending on exact year the home was built, if its from the 1800's, non-remodeled kitchens might have a fresh air storage for perishables and non-perishable foods. Before refrigerators were commonplace, this is how people kept their food from spoiling. Therefore, if there's two (or more wall vents and fans made of rusty galvanized steel in the kitchen), this was likely used as an early refrigeration solution aside from the wooden ice boxes with drip pans underneath to catch the melting ice run off. Lack of cabinets doesn't mean that the previous homeowner never learned how to cook. Hosier cabinets were like a 'portable' kitchens with enough storage for pots, pans, spices and non-perishable foods.

There's a behemoth cast iron grate floor furnace/ register vent in the main level of the house. It's not a gateway to heck, so no need to worry. I can't fathom what ginormous heating contraption located in the basement must look like after sitting there silent and unfired up. I say "unfired" because it might have been a coal fed boiler, wood or a rotting asbestos-laden health hazard from a sight unseen speculation, of course. Aside from this and the junk strewn throughout this once beautiful three-bedroom house, it gave off farm house feel because it likely had been in its day. What I found extremely fascinating about this particular 1910 home, was that, given the modern junk, old expired jar of peanut butter and yard sale clothing scattered everywhere, the light fixtures were still present and original to their time period. Also, the downstairs window treatments were a story in themselves. It was rare that original scalloped-shaped window shades are ever present in old homes such as this. This was my second house tour of the day. The house itself really didn't call to me in any particular way, except the price was low and the time period it was built suited me. However, it was a home investment for a contractor more than anything.

"It was like stepping onto the Titanic and seeing how it once looked in all its glory," is how I best summed up this particular 1910 home's interior appeal. And sometimes you have to just stop and take a few minutes to "see" beyond the cinder block-water bed headboard set up in the upstairs bedroom to find this old home's Eastlake Bull's eye door moldings and other ancient gems of the past. The small closets with old wallpaper (each had different patterns) was charming as well.

Thus far, I've looked at more houses since then and always keep in my mind; if the price is low, it doesn't mean that the taxes won't eat one alive.









Monday, April 15, 2013

The real design idea for my fake country remained unfinished in a comic book.

It had to begin somewhere back in 1990-91. Therefore, my fake country was still in the storyboard phase in a comic book that my stepsister and I spoofed. 

Fake coins and postage stamp for my country. April 15, 2013

My fake coins
and postage stamp and how they might appear.

Fake map of my made up country. April 15, 2013

My fake map of my made up country and how it would appear.

My fake country's currency and flag. April 15, 2013

This is what my fake money (dollar bills) would look like. Again, this is just a rough draft version. I think my stepsister would be peeved if I smacked her image on a dollar. Also, there's my flag done in a non-mistakable construction worker orange and simple black and white rock n' roll gesture. The rock n' roll gesture was once touted by religious leaders back in the day as representing "666", the number of the Beast, or Satan, rather. Nowadays, it simply stands for "rock n' roll", of which, the late, great, Ronnie James DIO (Rainbow, Black Sabbath, Elf, DIO) made famous. Ronnie Dio claimed something to the effect in an interview years ago that his grandmother used to flash the horns at people to prevent the evil eye. So, there you have it, some interesting rock n' roll history behind the horns gesture.

Create your own country- Paragraph- Description of what my country would be like.

This a rough draft (outline, rather) of my fictional country and what it would be like. It's an oppressive place to live, somewhat. I actually thought of this idea way, way back in 1990 over a spat I had with my parents decision concerning rock/heavy metal music at the time. Please keep in mind, this is was purely going against their ultra-conservative 80's view points, and intended to be humorous. Enjoy! ;)



The U.S.E., ‘The un-democratic state of euphoria’ didn’t start out as the U.S.E. Once upon a time in 1390, two parties of serfs met at their kings boarders. There had been short rations in the Region of Ramen Noodles, and much civil unrest due to a ruling made by the Mean knight that prohibited certain types of heavy metal music. The Kansas Bluegrass Association ruled with an iron fist and this entire panel belonged to the Mean knight and whatever orders he barked at them, they carried out to the fullest extent of the oath they were sworn to uphold. Day and night they fought for a cause they believed in. There was a lot of unnecessary bickering, hand-to-hand combat and lack of communication. And thus it continued for centuries.  

Then in 1991 Haylie bought the entire U.S.E., appointed herself president, changed the name of the capitol to Haylieville, and bestowed upon herself the title of Mayor. Situated in the center of the continental United States, the U.S.E. is a landlocked country, an island of autocracy surrounded by a democratic republic. Her first act as President Mayor prohibited bluegrass music of any kind and all the residents were required to listen to the heavy metal sounds of Danzig, Metallica, Overkill, Anthrax, DIO and all the other bands that were once prohibited by the Mean knight. As her second act as Mayor President, Haylie forced the residents to wear black clothes, prune trees when they disobeyed and when they tried to escape over the fifty foot tall razor topped barbed wire fence that encompassed the entire land. Haylie’s third act as President Mayor was electing her ultra-awesome, misguided stepsister, Emil-Butt to act as her Chief Administrator. However, she also put in a clause in fine print that banned any KISS album from being played on their brand new state-of-the-art national public stereo system because she mistakenly thought the entire band was comprised of dummies who couldn’t play their own instruments. A rare exception was given to KISS’ late drummer, Eric Carr.

Being Chief Administrator wasn’t an easy job to undertake as Emil Butt soon found out. Emil Butt had to develop strong written and verbal skills to effectively help President Mayor Haylie implement all her new laws and sort out the senseless carnage that the Mean knight left behind once his reign of tyranny ended centuries ago. The whole battle of the bands was described as a duel to the death that was penned some centuries ago by Emil-Butt’s ancestor in a comic book depiction, yet her ancestor didn’t finish, leading some to believe that she was either captured by the opposing Bed knight’s army or purposely dropped off the face of the earth and didn’t want to be recognized.

The criminal justice system consists of President Mayor Haylie, who is judge, jury, jailer, and executioner. Interpretation of the law is subject to change based on President Mayor Haylie’s mood on any given day. Lawyers are not allowed in the courtroom. The defendants are appointed a heavy metal musician to represent their interests. The monetary system is unique, in which, all paper money that is printed is stamped with the rock n’ roll horns, a portrait of Haylie, and Haylieville’s new motto: “And Justice For All.” A near invisible magnetic strip is woven into the paper money in order to make counterfeiting impossible. Coins are stamped out of copper, aluminum, and melted down plastic Tupperware containers. No two Haylieville coins are exactly alike. Some contain misprints of the Mean’s knight’s coat of arms that resemble an acoustic guitar and scepter. Concerning trade agreements, President Mayor Haylie only allows business to be done with people who have shoulder-length or longer hair. Merchants are required to have their left ear pierced, and must wear tight-fitting jeans with holes in the knees. President Mayor Haylie is very strict about the dress code. On an unrelated note, President Mayor Haylie recently acquired all Aqua Net hairspray stock and has appointed herself chairman of the board.






Wednesday, April 3, 2013